


Hidden Bruises

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bromance, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Comforting Arthur, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, but also just as friends, can be read as Merthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Merlin has to work for one of the knights, he realises that not everyone treats his servants well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin and don't make any money writing this.
> 
> TW: attempted rape, violence  
> There won't be any graphic sex-scenes (rape or otherwise) but if you are sensitive to this kind of stuff, be careful.

Arthur took great pride in Camelot’s knights. They were some of the finest noblemen in the realm, trained to perfection. Part of that was due to Arthur’s strict training schedule. Not even freezing temperatures and the thick blanket of snow that covered Camelot kept the Prince from making them go through the drills over and over again. 

To keep the men from getting lazy and careless, Arthur liked to challenge them from time to time. Whoever managed to beat him would get the luxury of a personal servant for a few days. Normally Arthur assigned that job to a random servant, he didn’t really care who was doing it, as long as the knight was pleased.

With Samhain coming up, the castle buzzed with energy. Servants were constantly running around, cleaning every corner and preparing everything for the feast. Merlin had just finished setting up a room for a visiting noble when Arthur had called for him. 

“ -so this is what you are going to do. Am I understood?” When his servant didn’t answer, Arthur glanced up from his paperwork. “Merlin? Do these big ears of yours work? I am talking to you here.”

Merlin shuffled his feet nervously. “Sire, I am kind of busy already. There are the preparations for the feast and Gaius needs my help a lot lately,” he swallowed. “Also, I already have a lot of work with you. You don’t exactly keep your chambers very clean, you know?” In retrospect, maybe saying the last part out loud hadn’t been his smartest move.

Arthur slowly pushed his chair back and looked at his manservant. “Seriously, do you ever stop whining? We’re all busy at the moment-“ Arthur stopped Merlin’s beginning protest with a shake of his head, “- and you apparently still have enough time on your hands to go to the tavern. So yes, you have to do this.” Arthur’s voice left no room for argument.

Merlin groaned. Gaius really needed to get a new excuse for his disappearances. Sensing that Arthur’s decision was final, he admitted defeat. If the Prince wanted him to work for one of the knights as well, he’d somehow have to find the time to do it. Hopefully it was one of the younger knights, they usually were a lot nicer. 

He sighed. “So, who is this knight that managed to beat the Prince of Camelot?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Very funny, Merlin. You are going to work for Sir Baldian.” When he didn’t see any signs that Merlin recognized the name, Arthur smirked. “Trust me, he’s not going to appreciate your sense of humor. But you’ll find that out for yourself, won’t you, Merlin?” Clapping a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, he grinned. “Nothing like a bit of hard work after two days in the tavern.”

Merlin tried hard to keep his frustration to himself. Apparently, that’s what he got for saving the royal prat’s life again. 

“If you don’t need anything else, Sire, I am needed in the banquet hall. The floors don’t scrub themselves.” If that last part sounded a little sarcastic, Arthur chose to ignore it. He just dismissed Merlin with a wave of his hand. 

Today, the King personally wanted to check how the preparations for the feast were coming along, and Uther wasn’t happy until every last flagstone had been scrubbed twice. Merlin's knees ached from kneeling on the hard stone and his hands were frozen from the water.

When Merlin finally got to leave in the evening, he had to hurry to prepare Arthur’s bathwater. Thankfully, the Prince wasn’t in his chambers, so he could get away with magically filling the bath, which saved him from having to carry the water all the way up the stairs. After leaving Arthur’s dinner on the table, he hurried back to the kitchens to fetch Sir Baldian’s plate.

Trying to control his heavy breathing, Merlin entered Sir Baldian’s chambers. The knight was already sitting at the table, awaiting him with a hard look on his face. Merlin nearly tripped. He had seen Sir Baldian a few times around the castle, but he didn’t remember him to be that … huge. The man looked like he could take out an entire army one-armed.

Merlin cleared his throat. „Sir Baldian, Arth- the Prince sent me. I’m your servant for the week. My name is Merlin and …“ He trailed off and nervously looked down at the plate in his hands when Sir Baldian stood and slowly walked over to him.

“I know who you are. You’re Prince Arthur’s little manservant.” He cracked his knuckles. “Well, apparently Arthur has low expectations from his servants, otherwise you would have known to show up here on time.” Sir Baldian was gradually getting louder until he was shouting directly at Merlin.

Merlin gulped and wanted to take a step backward, plate still in his hands when Sir Baldian reached out and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Do you understand me?” His face hovered directly before Merlin’s, who scrambled for an excuse.

“Yes. I’m sorry Sir, it won’t happen again. I was busy and then I had to make Arthur’s bath and his dinner and …” He trailed off and watched nervously how Sir Baldian's face turned an even deeper shade of red.

“I don’t care how you do it, that’s your problem. But you are my servant now, and I want my servant to be on time, otherwise, there will be consequences. Arthur may not care about his manservant slacking off, but I do. Do you understand me?”

Merlin distantly wondered if the man even knew how to talk normally, all he heard him do was shout. This time, he was smart enough to nod, and, after a short consideration, even added a small bow at the end. 

Sir Baldian grinned. “Great. Now serve my supper and get out of my chambers. I have seen enough of you for today.”

Merlin’s relief was nearly palpable. He hurried to place the plate on the table and scurried out the door as fast as he could. 

Once the door had closed behind him, Merlin took a deep breath. That promised to be a very long week. He sighed and started to walk back to his quarters. He’d need all the rest he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of it so far :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments! I don't want to keep you waiting, so here is Chapter 2.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

The next day wasn’t starting any better than the last one had ended. Merlin had been too exhausted to stoke the fire in the evening, so it was cold enough for him to see his breath form little clouds in the air. He briefly wondered why Gaius hadn’t done it before he remembered that the old physician was staying in the lower town to keep an eye on a pregnant woman. 

After a futile attempt at going back to sleep, he gave up. He was shivering from the cold. Merlin considered using magic to warm himself up but quickly discarded the idea. His last attempt at a warming spell had nearly burnt down the bed and he’d spent hours trying to remove the scorch marks on the floor. 

So, he’d have to get warm the old-fashioned way. Merlin started a fire, wrapped a blanket tightly around his shoulders and brewed himself a strong cup of tea. When his fingers and toes felt reasonably warm again, he hurried out the door. If he was fast enough, he could serve breakfast to Arthur and Sir Baldian before they even woke up. The thought of not having the knight shout at him for something he’d undoubtedly do wrong made him run down the stairs to the kitchen even faster.

When he entered Arthur’s room, the Prince was still fast asleep and didn’t even rouse when a knife slipped off the plate and clattered loudly to the floor. Thankfully, Arthur had always been a heavy sleeper. After a short look at the agenda, he decided to let the Prince sleep in. The first council meeting wasn’t until later and he hoped that Arthur would be in a better mood after some time to himself.

After a second run to the kitchens to fetch Sir Baldian’s breakfast, he made his way to the knight’s quarters. Merlin took a deep breath and quietly pushed the door open. It was hard to make out anything in the dimly lit room, but he had no intentions of opening the curtains. Sir Baldian wasn’t exactly friendly during the day, so it was safe to assume that he wouldn’t react well to being woken up. 

Merlin crept over to the table and set the plate down softly. On his way to the door, he carefully avoided stumbling over the dirty laundry or the pieces of armor that were scattered around the room. With one last glance at the sleeping knight, he slipped out the door. That had gone surprisingly well. He’d have to be back in a few hours, but Merlin chose not to worry about that just yet.

Soon, any thought of Sir Baldian had left his mind. The feast was coming closer and there was still a lot of work to be done. As Merlin was the last servant to arrive in the banquet hall, all the better jobs, like setting up the tables, were already taken. He’d hoped to be able to stay indoors but the wood-carrying basket that was pushed into his arms quickly destroyed that dream.

By the time they were finally finished for the day, Merlin was dead on his feet. His clothes were sweaty and clammy from running around in the cold and he hadn’t eaten for hours. The plan of returning to his room to change into clean (and warmer) clothes was discarded quickly when Merlin realized that he needed to get started on preparing Sir Baldian’s bath. The last thing he wanted was to aggravate the knight even more. Merlin sighed and turned around. He’d have to put up with the cold a little longer. 

A few moments later a still panting Merlin barged into Sir Baldian’s room and bumped into the knight, who had been standing right behind the door. Before Merlin could gasp out an excuse, Sir Baldian’s shook his head disapprovingly. “Merlin, what a surprise!”, he taunted. “I wasn’t sure anymore if you were going to show up.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. 

Merlin wasn’t sure how to respond but Sir Baldian was just getting started. “But maybe I am expecting too much of you. After all, you’re nothing but a lowly peasant.” He looked thoroughly disgusted now.

Thanks to his hard childhood in Ealdor, Merlin was used to being the target of other people’s anger and disgust. Growing up, he’d always been an outcast. The other kids had been afraid of his magic and while most of them just tried to stay out of his way, some had tried to beat the magic out of him.

He wasn’t sure how things had gone downhill so fast, but years of learning to control himself helped him to not even bat an eye at Sir Baldian’s insults. “Sir, if you don’t mind, I’ll get started on filling the bath for you”, he said while respectfully bowing his head.

The knight made an exaggerated gesture with his arm. “Sure, go ahead. Maybe you could do that right for a change.” He picked up the two buckets next to the bath and shoved them at Merlin. 

A few trips later, Merlin’s arms were burning from the strain. Normally, he’d get another servant to help him, but as he had come to realize, Sir Baldian had quite the reputation. No servant entered his room voluntarily if he could help it. 

“Sir, your bath is ready.” Merlin stood next to the filled bath, fidgeting uncertainly. Seeing how much the knight disliked him, he doubted that he’d be content. He didn’t have to wait long for a complaint. 

Sir Baldian moved his hand around the water for a while, before he slowly turned to Merlin with a furious expression on his face. “Do you want to anger me, boy, or are you really that stupid?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “A bath needs to be hot, not freezing like this!” 

Merlin’s head had been bowed, but he raised it now to look at Sir Baldian unbelievingly. “Sir, the water is warm, I heated it minutes ago. It can’t have gone cold this fast.”

The moment the words had left his mouth he regretted them. Sir Baldian looked positively murderous now. “Who do you think you are, that you dare to question a knight?”, he roared. “If I say it’s cold, then it’s cold. I will not be disrespected by a servant. Is that clear?” While he was speaking he’d stepped closer and closer until Merlin could feel his breath on his face. 

“Y-Yes, Sir”, he stuttered, too uncomfortable by the closeness to say anything else.

“Great. Now fix this. I am waiting.” Merlin fled the room as fast as he could, the buckets still clutched to his chest.

He returned with two buckets of boiling water and poured them into the bath. The water was steaming hot now, but Merlin could see that he’d made another mistake the moment Sir Baldian put his hand into the bath. 

 

“For god’s sake, can you do nothing right?”, the knight roared and marched over to Merlin, who’d moved closer to the door in an attempt to escape the fury. “This is boiling, do you want to kill me?”

“N-No.” Merlin stumbled over his words. “Y-You said it was too cold, so I made it wa-warmer.” 

“To you, that’s still ‘No Sir’, you little, impertinent fool! Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”, Sir Baldian sneered. Merlin had frozen to the spot at the mention of his mother. 

Sir Baldian knew immediately that he had struck a nerve and chose to use it to his advantage. “But who wonders? Poor woman, all alone, with a bastard child … Who could blame her for seeking diversion?” The cruel smile on his face left no room for doubt for what he was hinting at.

All the color drained from Merlin’s face and the scared expression in his eyes was replaced by white-hot fury. “Don’t you dare talk this way about my mother!”, he snapped. He could feel his magic buzzing under his skin like it wanted a way out, but he stifled the urge to let it lose. He simply couldn’t afford to spill his secret this way.

Sir Baldian wasn’t finished yet. “Everyone knows you’re a bastard, you know? Hadn’t you done that little trick with saving the Prince’s life, the King never would’ve made you his servant, not someone like you.” The disgust in his voice was clearly audible. 

Merlin clenched his jaw. “You have no idea of my life”, he retorted quietly. 

“Well, luckily not.” Sir Baldian scoffed.

Merlin’s whole body was tense. He knew he’d have to get out of the room if he didn’t want his magic to hurt the knight. “Sir, if that’s all for today, I need to go now, the Prince requires my assistance.”, he pressed out.

“Sure, go ahead, at least I won’t have to put up with your abysmal quality of service anymore”, the knight sneered.

Merlin was nearly at the door when Sir Baldian’s voice stopped him. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

He took a deep breath and turned around. “Sir?” he questioned.

“The buckets, you idiot!” Before Merlin could return to grab the buckets, Sir Baldian had grabbed one of them and hurled it at Merlin, who had no time to duck or step aside. The bucket hit him hard on his forehead, and Merlin groaned in pain. His head throbbed, and he stumbled against the door.

“Just as I imagined. Not only stupid but also clumsy. I don’t know what the Prince sees in you.” Sir Baldian shook his head contemplatively.

Merlin had his hand pressed to his forehead and tried to get his double-vision back under control. He really needed to get going, Arthur was already waiting for him. 

“Sir, I’ll send your dinner right up. I need to get going.” He bowed lightly, but that only aggravated his nausea. Without waiting for an answer, he fled out the door and pulled it shut behind him.

Outside, he slid down the wall and tried to get his headache under control. After a few minutes he sighed and climbed back to his feet, he couldn’t afford to lose any more time. With his head still throbbing, he went up the stairs to Arthur’s chambers.

As he’d suspected, Arthur wasn’t pleased with him being late again. After he’d fetched his dinner, Merlin had to endure a lecture on respect and dedication and on how he was expected to act as a servant. Normally Merlin would answer with a joke or try to lighten the mood, but his head was killing him, and he just wanted to be done with the day, so he stayed quiet and accepted everything with a nod.

To teach him a lesson, Arthur gave his manservant even more chores than usual. Merlin’s protests proved useless and after getting the Prince into bed and dropping off his laundry, he found himself sitting in the frigid armory, polishing Arthur’s armor and cleaning his boots for tomorrow’s practice. 

It was long dark outside when Merlin decided to call it a night. He was freezing, his head throbbed with every movement and he’d nearly fallen asleep on the floor twice. Yawning, he stood up and stored away his cleaning supplies. He’d have to get up even earlier tomorrow finish the rest of the armor in the morning. 

Tugging his jacket tightly around his shoulders in a futile attempt to block out the cold, Merlin made his way back to his chambers. He already wished for this week to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things didn't get much better for Merlin and Arthur just doesn't realize there might be something wrong...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely reviews, I'm glad you like the story so far!

When Merlin woke up the next morning, he felt like he had been run over by a horse. No, scratch that – a whole herd of horses. The moment he sat up his head throbbed painfully. Overnight, the bruise on his forehead had grown into a huge bump, and on top of that, he had a sore throat and a stuffed nose. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to have a bucket thrown at your head, he had to catch a cold as well. “Probably from sitting around in the cold armory for hours”, he thought disgruntled. 

Merlin carefully prodded at his forehead again. He’d have to find a way to cover the bump up or someone would for sure ask what had happened, especially since today was the day of the big feast. For a moment, he considered telling Arthur that he didn’t want to work for Sir Baldian anymore, but he quickly realized it would be useless. Arthur had told him not to complain about it, and besides, he wouldn’t listen anyway. Merlin could virtually hear him saying that he needed to “stop being such a girl” and to “man up”. He sighed. He’d need to deal with this himself.

It wasn’t the first time that Merlin wished he’d be better at healing magic. He could take care of minor cuts and bruises, but a head injury was more complicated than that. Asking Gaius was out of the question as well, he didn’t want to worry the old physician. All he could do was conceal the bump with a quick spell. It still hurt, but at least nobody would ask awkward questions.

Shouting a quick “good morning” at Gaius, Merlin ran out the door. Gaius fondly shook his head, wondering if Merlin would ever learn to be on time. Probably not, he mused. 

Merlin was halfway down the stairs on his way to the kitchen, when it struck him. He still needed to polish the other half of Arthur’s armor, that he had left in the armory yesterday! He turned around and started running back to the courtyard. Maybe if he –

The thought wouldn’t get finished. When Merlin skidded around the corner, he bumped into something and fell to the floor with a gasp. Well, it wasn’t something he had hit, it was someone. George, Camelot’s most perfect servant, currently looked down at him with an exasperated look.

“Merlin, you still haven’t learned a few manners I see”, he chided. 

Merlin climbed to his feet and scrambled to apologize. “Look, I’m sorry, it’s just – I have a ton of work and I can’t afford to waste any time and – wait.” A thought occurred to him. He looked at George pleadingly. “I hate to ask you, but you’re on your way to fetch breakfast for some of the Lords, right?”

George looked thoroughly confused now. “Yes, I am, but –“

He was cut short by a pleading voice. “Could you maybe fetch Arthur’s plate as well? And Sir Baldian’s?” He tried his best puppy-dog eyes. They had always worked on his mother. “Please, just this once? I need to finish something else and I could really use the help.”

George gave in. His opinion of Merlin’s skills as a servant wasn’t very high, but everyone knew how fiercely loyal the young servant was to the Prince. And maybe he could get something out of this as well. “Yes, I’ll do it but-“, he interrupted Merlin’s thankful rambling with a raised hand, “but you need to muck out the horses for me.” He sniffed indignantly. “Sir Boris only wants the best care for them and appointed me to the job today. As a good servant”, he pointedly looked at Merlin, “I told him, I’d get it done as soon as possible.”

Merlin groaned. Great, even more work was just what he needed today. With the feast in the evening, this promised to be a very long day. But he had no other option, he needed to get to the armory now. “Yes, fine, I’ll take care of the stables. Thank you, George, I really appreciate it.”, he said sincerely. 

Without giving George a chance to answer, he clapped him on the shoulder, flashed him a broad grin and raced down the corridor again. He had no time to lose.

The clean armor balanced in his hands, Merlin pushed open the door to Arthur’s chambers shortly after. The prince was already awaiting him. “Merlin, where the hell have you been?” He glared at his servant. “I had to put up with George the whole morning because you couldn’t get off your lazy backside and do what you’re supposed to do!” 

Merlin tried to defend himself. “Sire, I still had to finish-“, he started, but Arthur cut him off. “I don’t care, Merlin, I have to be ready for practice shortly. So please, just get started now, if that’s not too much trouble for you.” The mockery was clearly audible. 

Pressing his lips together, Merlin grabbed the chainmail and started getting Arthur into his armor. Whatever he’d say now would only anger Arthur further. When Merlin had fastened the last clasp, he quietly turned around and left the room. He still needed to assist Sir Baldian with his preparations for the morning practice.

Remembering what had happened yesterday, Merlin took a deep breath and braced himself for whatever Sir Baldian would throw at him today. 

“Merlin! I was starting to think you wouldn’t show up today!” Sir Baldian greeted him with a huge smile on his face, that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Care to explain why some other servant brought my breakfast today?”

Merlin squirmed under Sir Baldian’s hard gaze. “Sir, I was busy doing chores for Arthur and didn’t want you waiting for your breakfast, so I thought I’d have someone else bring it up.”

“Is that so? You thought.” Sir Baldian sneered. “How about you leave that to me next time, and just do your job?” He had gradually gotten louder until he was shouting directly at Merlin. He jabbed his finger at Merlin’s chest. “Because you just have one job. To serve me. And you aren’t doing it.” 

“I told you, I was busy. I need to serve the Prince too, and he keeps me busy.” Merlin defensively crossed his arms over his chest and took a step back.

Sir Baldian’s voice dripped with spite. “I don’t care. You are a servant and you have to obey me, you worthless imbecile.” He spat out the next words. “If you don’t want me to tell the King how thoroughly incompetent you are, you better learn how to follow a command.”

Merlin had backed away from the angry words, but the last sentence made him freeze to the spot. The King would never accept an incapable servant as his son’s manservant. If he got thrown out of Camelot, who would take care of Arthur? No, he needed to stay here to fulfill their destiny, after all, they were two sides of the same coin.

Unfortunately, Sir Baldian understood his shock as disrespect. His unwavering glare held Merlin in place when he stepped closer. Before Merlin could bolt, he gripped his arm tightly and yanked him closer. He could feel the servant tremble in his grip. Good. Merlin needed to learn his place, he thought satisfied.

When Merlin tried get away, Sir Baldian tightened his grip and pinned his arm behind his back. Merlin’s shoulder gave a sickening crunch and he moaned in pain. His knees buckled, but Sir Baldian didn’t let go.

“Sir, please, you are hurting me.”, Merlin pressed out through clenched teeth. He could feel the pain radiating through his shoulder.

“Good. Now you can feel how much your stupidity hurts me.” Sir Baldian sounded satisfied. “Now help me with my chainmail, morning practice awaits me.”

He let go of Merlin and the servant staggered a few steps back, clutching the injured arm to his chest. Trying not to jostle his shoulder too much, he went over to the table and picked up the heavy chainmail. He’d definitely need to use both arms to help the knight into it.

Biting back a grunt of pain, he heaved the chainmail up and brought it over Sir Baldian’s head. During the process of putting it on the knight managed to bump into his injured shoulder so often that Merlin started to think he did it on purpose

When they were finished, Merlin’s entire body was tense, and he could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. Being manhandled like this had aggravated his head injury again and a dull ache had settled behind his eyes. He just wanted to be back in his chambers and pass out on his bed. Maybe he could even find one of Gaius’ pain-relieving potions. 

Before he had a chance to make himself scarce, Sir Baldian addressed him again. “We need to go now. You’re going to watch me training today. After all, I need someone to hold my weapons when I don’t need them.” A cruel smile appeared on his face. “I don’t want to hear any complaints, you know what will happen if you disobey me.”

Merlin looked at Sir Baldian tentatively. “Can I at least go put on some warmer clothes? I swear, I’ll be back before you even realize it.” The knight’s glare told him everything he needed to know but he swallowed his protest and followed him out of the castle.

By the time the knights had finished their warm-ups, Merlin’s boots and socks were soaked through and his teeth chattered. He had tried to hop from one foot to the other discreetly to get warm, but Sir Baldian soon reprimanded him for it. He had no other option than to stand still and will the time to pass a bit faster.

From the other side of the training grounds, Arthur eyed his manservant curiously. Merlin had stood in the same spot for almost an hour and Arthur could see him shivering wildly from a hundred yards away. The fool didn’t even wear warm clothes, only a tunic and the thin leather jacket he had on all year round. He shook his head. If Merlin was too stupid to dress weather-appropriate, he couldn’t help him. Arthur spared his manservant one last glance and resumed his training. 

When Sir Baldian finally dismissed Merlin, his fingers were frozen, and he couldn’t feel his feet anymore. Stiffly, he made his way back to Gaius’ chambers. If he was fast enough, he could change into dry clothes and warm up before he had to be at the feast. Maybe he could even sneak in a little nap. 

Quickened by the thought of a hot fire in his chambers and a pain-relieving draught, Merlin crossed the courtyard. Before he could enter the castle, a voice stopped him. “Merlin! Are you done with the horses? Sir Boris just inquired about my progress.” George. Just what he needed right now. Merlin didn’t even bother with an answer, he just sighed and tiredly wiped a hand down his face. Warming up would have to wait, he had made a promise and he needed to keep its. Turning around he made his way to the stables. 

By the time Merlin finished mucking out the horses, it was nearly time to go and prepare everyone for the feast. With his throbbing shoulder, the task had taken even longer than normal. He returned to his chambers for a quick wash and a change of clothes. After all, he couldn’t appear at the feast reeking of horse dung. He rummaged through Gaius’ stash of potions and found a bottle of the blue pain-relieving draught the physician always gave to the knights, when they turned up with various injuries. He quickly took a large sip. It wouldn’t take long for the medicine to kick in.

Merlin looked at his wet boots and jackets miserably. There was no time to dry any of his clothes properly, so the wet boots would have to do. He made a face when his feet touched the drenched leather, but he had no choice. He couldn’t go barefoot after all. Looking at his jacket, he decided he’d probably be warmer without it. Throwing one last longing look at the fire, Merlin tried to stop shivering and pulled the door shut behind him. He still had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

If you would have asked Merlin a few weeks ago what he hated most about his job, he probably would have joked that it was having to deal with Arthur in the morning. After all, everyone knew not to address the Prince before he had his breakfast if they didn’t want anything thrown at their head.

Over the last few days, things had changed. Now Merlin’s answer wouldn’t be joking. He’d look at you with tired eyes and quietly say that it was the moment, when he had to push open the door to Sir Baldian’s chambers every morning, already dreading what the knight would have in store for him. But despite every reason not to serve Sir Baldian, Merlin stood in front of the chambers once again, the knight’s ceremonial robe draped over his healthy arm. Despite the pain-relieving draught, his shoulder still throbbed painfully with every movement, and Merlin felt bone-tired. The anger and the constant insults that were thrown at him, as well as the lack of sleep in the past few days, had put a serious damper on his mood. Still, he couldn’t afford to get on the knight’s bad side, too much was at stake for him and for the whole of Camelot.

With that thought in mind, Merlin pushed open the heavy door and stepped into the room. This time, he didn’t wait for Sir Baldian to address him. “Sir, I have your robe here. Do you require assistance with putting it on?” He asked more out of duty than anything else. The robe only had one clasp, that fastened in the front, every child would be able to put it on himself.

Sir Baldian had been staring out the window but turned around upon hearing Merlin’s voice. He looked the servant up and down and curled his lip in disdain. “Next time, put on dry boots, you’re leaving puddles all over the floor.”

Merlin’s gaze shot to the floor. His boots still hadn’t dried from standing in the snow for hours and he had left a trail of footprints from the door to where he stood now. Distracted by his thoughts he realized a bit too late that Sir Baldian was still talking to him. 

“… but you will be the one to clean it up anyway so be my guest.” The knight barked out a laugh. Merlin didn’t bother with an answer, he had expected something like this.

“I’ll get right to it. Here –“, he held out the robe for Sir Baldian to take, “is are your garments for the feast. Do you require assistance with getting dressed?” Sir Baldian had ignored the question the first time, but now he responded.

“Of course, I do. And I want to give you a chance to show me that you aren’t completely useless.” Sir Baldian looked at him expectantly. 

In the beginning, Merlin had flinched at the insults, but by now, he didn’t even hear them anymore. It was truly fascinating how fast the human mind could get used to abuse. 

Not wanting to aggravate the knight further, Merlin quickly unfolded the robe and stepped closer. He could feel Sir Baldian’s hot breath on his face and hurriedly moved to drape the garment around the knight’s shoulders. Pain seared through his arm when he moved to fasten the clasp in the front and Merlin had to stifle a cry. Apparently, the medicine had stopped working now.

Sir Baldian saw the servant flinch. “Scared?”, he taunted. “Does this make you uncomfortable? Am I too close?” He put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, who had frozen to the spot. Ever so slowly he moved it closer to Merlin’s neck, brushing the skin under the neckerchief. His thumb pressed painfully into Merlin’s throat.

Merlin’s breath quickened. He wanted to take a step back, but his feet wouldn’t obey him. Before he could find the resolve to move, Sir Baldian retracted his hand and stepped back with a satisfied smirk on his face.  
All of this hadn’t lasted longer than a minute, but Merlin felt strangely exposed and vulnerable. He adjusted his neckerchief and quietly addressed the knight. “Sir, if that’s all, I’d like to leave now.” Moving his hands behind his back, he tried to hide the trembling.

Sir Baldian dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “I’ll see you at the feast then. If I were you, I wouldn’t be late.” Merlin could feel the cold gaze on his back when he all but fled the room.

The strange interaction had left him visibly shaken up. He hurried down two hallways, before he stopped and leaned against a wall, still panting. If he hadn’t been afraid of Sir Baldian before, he surely was now. He could still feel Sir Baldian’s hand on his throat and his hot breath on his face. Whatever the knight had intended, he had succeeded in making the servant very uncomfortable.

No. Merlin straightened himself and pushed away from the wall. He gingerly prodded at his shoulder. Yep, still painful. Getting another pain-relieving potion was out of the question. He wasn’t sure how much of the draught would be dangerous and he didn’t want to explain the injury to Gaius. So Merlin just swallowed and pushed the pain to the back of his mind, when he broke into a run again. He still had to get Arthur ready for the feast.

The Prince was in a surprisingly good mood. “Merlin, I am impressed! You’re almost on time!” he exclaimed mockingly. Merlin gave a polite smile in return and made his way over to the closet. He didn’t feel up to their usual banter, his thoughts still circled around the events in Sir Baldian’s room. He couldn’t make any sense of them, but he couldn’t shake a bad feeling. 

He returned with the cloak and passed it on to Arthur, who wrapped it around his shoulders in one swift motion. 

“Merlin, the crown. Father said I need to wear it.” Arthur looked like he wasn’t particularly glad about his father’s order. 

Merlin reached for the crown on the table and winced slightly at the pain in his shoulder. Hoping Arthur had missed his flinch, Merlin placed the crown securely on the Prince’s head. 

But as much of an ignorant prat as Arthur could be, he was more observant than Merlin gave him credit for. When he heard a pained sound come from his manservant, he frowned. “Are you alright, Merlin?”

And that’s when Merlin’s resolve to stay quiet and wait for the week to be over, broke. He was tired of being bossed around by Sir Baldian, his shoulder hurt, and his head injury acted up whenever moved too fast. Whatever mocking he would have to endure from Arthur, it couldn’t be worse than being Sir Baldian’s servant.

Cautiously, he started speaking. “Actually, there is something I need to –“

A loud knock interrupted them. Arthur moved to open the door and Merlin heard one of the guards say that the King requested his son’s presence now, as the feast was about to start. Arthur looked at his manservant apologetically. “You’ll have to tell me later, we need to get going. We don’t want to keep my father waiting. It surely isn’t that important, is it?” He laughed.

Merlin forced himself to shake his head. “No, of course, it can wait.”, he muttered. After all, what he had to say wasn’t that important, right? He could put up with Sir Baldian for a bit longer. The King wouldn’t appreciate it if his son was late because his servant held him back.

No, he’d have to wait until after the banquet to talk to the Arthur. Merlin sighed and followed the Prince out of the room. They had a feast to attend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for hurting Merlin even more, but I promise Arthur won't remain oblivious to his suffering for much longer!
> 
> I'm not sure I can update the next chapter as fast as I did with the others, I am about to go study abroad and it might take me a few days to have the time to upload. Sorry!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back with a new chapter for you, it's a bit shorter, but I haven't had much time. I'm trying to settle in here, but I'm still very jetlagged and being a whole continent away from home is more difficult than I thought.  
> But enough of my ramblings, here is the chapter :)

Merlin didn’t have much time to feel sorry for himself. The moment he’d entered the hall, someone shoved a jug full of wine into his hands and shoved him toward Arthur’s throne. With his shoulder throbbing from the additional strain, Merlin took his usual place behind the Prince. He’d just have to stand there for the whole evening and cater to Arthur’s every wish. Which, thankfully, usually weren’t many.

Arthur had a very strict upbringing and a good education in all things royal. He’d learned very early on to not overdo it with the wine, after all, he had a reputation to hold up. Just like Uther, he only took a small sip from time to time and amused himself with watching the knights get more and more drunk.

When Merlin saw Sir Baldian waving him closer, he groaned inwardly. He had thought that Sir Baldian would be taken care of by one of the numerous servants who stood by the knights’ table, but apparently, he was wrong. Reluctantly, he made his way over to Sir Baldian’s seat.

“Sir? You need something?”, he inquired cautiously, keeping his eyes glued to the ground. The weird incident in the knight’s chambers was still very fresh on his mind.

“Yes, boy, I’d like some more wine. And next time, see to it that you know that before I even have to ask.”, Sir Baldian sneered. Merlin just nodded and poured the wine. He could have argued, that one of the other servants, who stood closer, could keep refilling his goblet and that maybe he had already had enough, but he kept his mouth shut. If he could get through the day without another run-in with the knight, he’d appreciate it. With a slight bow, he returned to Arthur’s side.

As the night progressed, Merlin stopped counting how many times he had refilled Sir Baldian’s goblet. The knight had passed tipsy a long time ago and bordered on completely inebriated. Later, Merlin thought he should have predicted, that Sir Baldian would just get more unpleasant the more he drank.

When Merlin moved to refill the goblet for the umpteenth time, someone suddenly felt a slap on his backside. He stiffened instantly and looked at Sir Baldian. The knight was roaring with laughter at his shocked expression. “Come on, Merlin, relax! We’re just having some fun!”

Merlin pressed his mouth shut and took a step back. He couldn’t help it but Sir Baldian’s touch always sent cold shivers down his spine. After a quick look around, he realized that either no one had seen what had happened or no one had cared. Probably the latter, after all, he was nothing but a servant and it wasn’t uncommon for the knights to take advantage of them. Usually, this happened to the maids, but occasionally …

No, he wouldn’t go there. Merlin shook his head. Sir Baldian was severely drunk and had no concept of personal space anymore. There was nothing else implied. Still, he couldn’t shake a weird feeling. The next time he reached for Sir Baldian’s goblet, he kept his body carefully angled out of the way and tried not to touch the knight. He nearly fell into the lap of the person next to him, but at least he managed to get away again before anything else had happened.

From the other side of the room, Arthur watched his servant thoughtfully. He hadn’t missed how Merlin was holding the pitcher in his right hand instead of his left. Maybe that injury he had wanted to talk about was more severe than he had thought. That was probably also the reason why Merlin tried so hard not to bump into anyone, especially Sir Baldian.

Arthur was well aware that the knight had a reputation to be quite rough on his servants, but he hadn’t had any other option than to appoint Merlin to the job. He had to keep up his promise and he hadn’t lied when he’s said that nobody else was available. After all, if Merlin had as much free time as Gaius told him, then he surely wouldn’t mind having a bit of extra work for a few days.

Still, he needed to make sure that Merlin wasn’t badly injured, he couldn’t afford for the fool to hurt himself further in a mislead attempt of courage. When Merlin threw a quick glance in his direction, Arthur waved him over. He thought he’d seen a swift look of gratitude on Merlin’s face, but it was gone before he could dwell on it.

“Merlin, are you alright?” he questioned quietly when his servant stood next to his chair. Arthur pushed his goblet over to make it look like Merlin was just about to refill it. No need for anyone to pay too much attention to them. When he didn’t instantly get an answer he looked up. „Merlin? Did you hear me?“

Merlin was fidgeting uneasily. He could feel Sir Baldian’s gaze on him. Now was neither the time nor the place to discuss his problems with Arthur. What if the King heard him? He’d never believe a servant over a knight and then he’d probably have even bigger problems than he had now. No, whatever he had to say had to wait.

“Yes, Sire, I am fine. Just a little tired, the preparations were quite stressful.”

Arthur looked doubtful but decided not to probe any further. If Merlin wanted to be stubborn, there was nothing he could do about it. He lifted his arm to give his servant an encouraging pat on the back, but before he could touch him, Merlin flinched away violently. Huh. That wasn’t normal.

“Sire, if that’s all, I need to go, Sir Baldian needs more wine.” And before Arthur could say anything, Merlin was gone again. Arthur scratched his chin thoughtfully. It wasn’t like Merlin to be so jumpy. He’d keep an eye on him, maybe there was something else that was bothering his servant.

While Arthur was lost in thought, Merlin had returned to Sir Baldian’s side. “Merlin, good to see you. Me and my friends here-“, he gestured at the knights next to him, “are out of wine again.” His speech was slurred, and he stumbled over the words. Merlin readjusted his grip on the pitcher and reached out to grab the goblet next to Sir Baldian.

He had just started pouring the wine, when he saw from the corner of his eye, how the knight lifted his hand. Before Merlin could react Sir Baldian had pinched his butt. “Good boy, there you are again. I was starting to miss you.”, he drawled, looking at Merlin with an inscrutable expression in his eyes.

Startled by the touch, Merlin flinched back and lost hold of the pitcher, which dropped right on the knight’s lap. Merlin held his breath. He didn’t dare to move, all he could do was stare at the huge red stain on Sir Baldian’s previously white shirt. Dozens of possible reactions flickered through his mind, but he couldn’t decide what to do, so he just stood frozen to the spot.

He didn’t have to wait long for Sir Baldian’s reaction. The knight pushed back his chair and stood up, swaying slightly. “Do you have any idea what you just did?” he roared. An uneasy silence had settled over the hall and everyone turned towards the commotion, waiting for the situation to unfold.

“Sir, I am so sorry, please, let me-“ Merlin stuttered, dabbing at the shirt with a cloth that a nearby servant had passed him.

“You fool!” Sir Baldian raged. “Do you have any idea how much a shirt like this costs?” Merlin actually had a pretty good idea, but one glance at the knight’s red face indicated, that an answer wouldn’t be welcome.

“And stop that!” He swatted Merlin’s hand away. “You’re only making it worse, you incompetent moron!” By now they had the attention of everyone in the room.

Arthur was torn between feeling something akin to sympathy for Merlin and being exasperated with his clumsy servant. Honestly, couldn’t Merlin just once not mess something up? That would make his life a lot easier.

He was distracted from his musings by a barely stifled cry. “No, please, don’t, let me go! You’re hurting me!” Sir Baldian had wrenched Merlin’s hands on his back and pulled him towards the door. Arthur winced in sympathy. Even without an injured shoulder that had to hurt. Over the hushed chatter of the other people in the hall, he could still clearly make out Sir Baldian’s voice and Merlin’s whimpers.

“I am going to show you what respect is. I will not put up with such incompetence! You made me look like a fool and you’re going to pay for it”. Arthur could see the fear in Merlin’s hunched shoulder’s and when his servant threw him one last look before he was dragged out of the hall, he could see the naked terror written on his face.

Arthur jumped out of his chair. Whatever Sir Baldian had planned, it surely wouldn’t be very pleasant and while Merlin had to learn how to be a proper servant, he didn’t deserve to be manhandled like that.

But before he could take a single step, a hand pressed him back into his seat. “Where do you think you are going?” Uther hissed at his son.

“I want to make sure Sir Baldian doesn’t kill Merlin. He did seem quite enraged.” Arthur answered, trying to get up again, but Uther kept him firmly in his seat.

“How do you think it looks when the Prince runs after a servant? Besides, he misbehaved and needs to be punished. And it is Sir Baldian’s right to do so, after all, your servant made him look like a fool.” Uther’s tone made perfectly clear that he would tolerate no argument.

Arthur swallowed. He had a very bad feeling about this. Sighing, he grabbed his goblet. There was no way he’d get out of this hall until the feast had ended if he didn’t come up with a plan soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. Getting this chapter written took me ages. At first I wasn't sure how to properly end the story and then life got crazy busy. I apologize for the delay but I didn't want to upload something I wasn't happy with. I have finally gotten into a routine in my "new" life and things are starting to calm down.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Merlin’s thoughts were racing. Sir Baldian dragged him down the deserted corridor, keeping an iron grip on his wrist. Just as Merlin contemplated to free himself with magic, Sir Baldian stopped. Holding Merlin behind his back, he dug a key out of his pocket.

“Sir? Those aren’t your chambers.” Merlin tried hard to keep his voice from trembling, frantically looking for a way to get away from Sir Baldian. The magic flickered under his skin, but Merlin pushed it down firmly. It would be too obvious, and he couldn’t risk getting banished. Or worse, being burned at the stake. He needed to be here, in Camelot, with Arthur. After all, they had a destiny. He’d have to find another way to get out of this situation.

Sir Baldian had finally unlocked the door and pushed Merlin into the small chamber. There wasn’t much to see, the room was empty apart from a bed, a small wardrobe and a chair in the corner. Judging by the layer of dust that covered everything, nobody had been in here for quite some time. When the door fell shut, Sir Baldian pushed Merlin back until he hit the wall. He leaned in close enough for Merlin to feel the hot breath on his face.

“You’re right, they are not. This is one of the rooms for the lower knights. Unused in years. We won’t be disturbed.” Judging by the gleeful look on Sir Baldian’s face, he had seen Merlin’s minuscule flinch at these words.

“That’s cute, you thought someone would get you out of this. Maybe even Arthur? He seemed so – tense at the feast.” Sir Baldian grinned. “He really cares for you, doesn’t he? No idea why. You’re just a servant. A very bad one, that is.”

Merlin stayed silent, there was no point in defending himself. Sir Baldian was right, he did wish for Arthur to rescue him, but there was little hope. The knight was smarter than he looked, it would take a while for anyone to find them here.   
“Well, since you are so intent on keeping quiet, let’s move on to the next part. You need to learn your place. Now, get on your knees, like the lowly, filthy peasant you are!” Sir Baldian spat the words into Merlin’s face and pushed him down until his knees hit the floor. 

For a split-second, Merlin thought about refusing, but there was no point. The knight was bigger and stronger than him and he was just getting started. When he felt rough hands on his throat, he gasped. After a futile attempt to open the knot of the neckerchief, Sir Baldian just tore it off, ripping the threadbare fabric. He threw it over his shoulder without a second glance and yanked Merlin’s head up until he had to meet his eyes. “Let me see those eyes of yours. They will tell me if you’ve learned your lesson or not”, he drawled. 

Merlin couldn’t help the shudder that went through his body. He had heard enough stories from the other servants to know what was about to happen and the thought alone made him feel sick. His magic crept up again, but Merlin slammed it down forcefully. Looking at Sir Baldian’s twisted face he steeled himself. There was no way he would do this bastard the favor of looking scared. 

Arthur mindlessly fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, lost in thought. The way Sir Baldian had dragged Merlin out of the hall worried him. His manservant was especially talented at getting himself in trouble. Looking back at the evening Arthur realized that Merlin had seemed different, kind of jumpy. Almost as if he had been on edge the whole time. And the way he’d flinched away when Arthur had tried to touch him wasn’t normal. After all, Merlin knew he would never hurt him.

Listlessly, he probed at the food on his plate. Somehow, he didn’t really have an appetite. He shook his head in exasperation. This was becoming ridiculous. There was no point in worrying about Merlin, if there was something wrong, he would have surely told Arthur, right?

Suddenly, their conversation from earlier in the evening popped back into his head. Merlin had wanted to speak to him about something and he had dismissed him. Arthur suddenly sat up straight. He needed to find out what was going on and there was no way he was going to wait until after the feast. He addressed the table: “I am feeling unwell and will, therefore, retreat to my chambers for the night. By all means, keep enjoying the banquet. Good night.”

When he stood, Arthur could feel Uther’s gaze burning on the back of his head. He didn’t doubt that his father had seen right through his excuse, but Arthur knew that the King wouldn’t start a discussion in front of the whole court. There would be a lecture tomorrow, but Arthur couldn’t worry about that now. He had to find Merlin. With a short look around the empty corridor, Arthur began to walk towards Sir Baldian’s room. 

Merlin shivered. There was no fire in the room and the air felt cool on his skin. Sir Baldian had ripped his shirt off. “Bastards like you don’t deserve clothes”, he had said, words tingling with menace. Now Merlin was kneeling on the cold stone floor while Sir Baldian towered over him. 

“Filthy.” The knight placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Dirty.” He ran the hand down his chest. Goosebumps covered every inch of his body and Merlin shivered even more. “Unworthy.” His hands reached the waistband of Merlin’s pants. Merlin’s heart raced when Sir Baldian tugged the pants down to his knees, leaving him only in his breeches. Leaving one hand on his shoulder, essentially trapping Merlin on the spot, Sir Baldian ran his other hand down Merlin’s side again, tugging at the waistband.

Merlin was frozen in terror. His stomach clenched but he was trapped. It was going to happen and there was nothing he could do. Merlin closed his eyes. He could feel Sir Baldian’s hot breath on his face, smelling heavily of mead.

“Let go of him.” Merlin’s eyes flew open. He would have recognized this voice everywhere. Sir Baldian had frozen when the door had slammed open and turned around slowly, still keeping a tight grip on Merlin’s wrist. “I said - let go of him.” Arthur stood in the door, hand on his sword. His icy voice made clear that he was deadly serious. “Don’t you hear me?” he roared when the knight still didn’t move. Merlin flinched at the loud voice and curled in on himself. 

Arthur’s anger had shaken Sir Baldian out of his stupor and he now staggered towards the Prince. “I was just disciplining him for his incompetence, Sire. I figured he should learn to respect his superiors”, he brawled, but his words didn’t have the desired effect. In fact, Arthur looked murderous.

“Well, Sir Knight”, Arthur spat out the words, “This is not how we treat servants in Camelot. And you are not Merlin’s superior. I merely lent his services to you. If there was a problem, you should have come to me.” He raised a hand warningly when Sir Baldian opened his mouth to protest. “Or do you think the Prince of Camelot isn’t able to deal with his servants?”

Arthur laughed grimly when Sir Baldian didn’t answer. “That’s what I thought.” He raised his voice. “Guards! Take him to the dungeons, I’ll deal with him later.” Merlin watched how two of the palace guards dragged the knight out of the room. He felt numb and his muscles were still frozen with shock. He absentmindedly wondered how Arthur had found him. Maybe one of the guards had seen them. He’d have to thank them later. 

After the door had fallen shut, Arthur took a deep breath and turned back around. His heart constricted painfully at the sight of his manservant. Merlin was still kneeling in the same spot, watching him with wide eyes. Arthur had never felt so helpless. 

“Merlin? Are you hurt?” he asked, unable to contain his worry any longer, but Merlin showed no sign of hearing him. He just stared at Arthur, carefully watching every movement. Sensing that talking wouldn’t get him anywhere as long as Merlin was in shock, Arthur decided to get him out of the room. Maybe familiar surroundings would shake Merlin out of his stupor.

He slowly made his way over to his manservant and put a hand on his arm to help him stand, but the second he touched him, Merlin scrambled backward. “Don’t touch me”, he pressed out, peering about wild-eyed. 

Arthur, who had immediately taken a step back, held up both of his hands. “I won’t. I swear, I won’t.” He tried to sound as calm as possible. “I need you to get up, we are going to go to my chambers.” Instead of getting up, Merlin just moved backward until he hit the wall. “No, no, no, no, please! It was an accident, I swear! I’ll make it up to you, just please don’t do this!” He had started to rock himself back and forth, arms clasped around his knees. 

It took Arthur a few seconds to realize what Merlin was begging him for. “No, that’s not what I meant, Merlin.” He didn’t go closer but continued to talk. “There is a fire in my chambers and clothes. You need to relax and there is no way I’ll let you stay in your room alone until Gaius is back.” Seeing that Merlin’s chest was heaving rapidly, he added: “Merlin. Listen to my voice. Just breathe. In and out. Very good. And again. In and out.”

Merlin could hardly hear Arthur over his ragged breathing but there was something in his voice that sounded … safe. Like home. Concentrating just on Arthur’s words, he slowly managed to calm his breathing. He watched confusedly that the Prince fiddled with the clasp of his cloak until he could finally get it open and held it out to Merlin. “Here. Put this on, you look like you are freezing.” 

Huh. Merlin hadn’t even realized he was shaking. Now that Arthur had mentioned it, he felt the cold air on his skin. Leaning forward tentatively he took the cloak, careful not to touch Arthur, and wrapped it around himself. The fabric was warm and soft, smelling like Arthur. He unconsciously relaxed a little bit.

Arthur was relieved to see some of the tension in Merlin’s shoulders ebb away, but they still needed to get going. “Come on, we need to get you out of here”, he prompted. Merlin clambered to his feet, swaying slightly. He was wrapped tightly in the cloak, only his feet and head were visible. When Merlin lifted his head slightly, Arthur could see the bruises forming on his neck. Oh yes, Sir Baldian was going to pay for this. But first, he needed to take care of his manservant.

The way through the castle seemed endless. They didn’t encounter anyone, thankfully, as they looked quite strange. The Prince of Camelot in the front and behind him his manservant, white as a sheet, only wearing a cloak and boots. Once the door of his chambers had finally shut behind them, Arthur released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

Merlin stood next to the door, looking small and utterly lost. Arthur sighed. “I need to call Gaius, he needs to see if you are injured”, he addressed his manservant softly. Merlin’s gaze shot up. “No!” he declared resolutely. 

“Well, you won’t let me touch you and you’re clearly in pain. I have no other choice.” Merlin’s pleading eyes met his. “Please, Arthur, not now. I can’t, it’s too … please, I am begging you.” 

Merlin choked back a sob and Arthur gave in. “Fine. You don’t seem to be gravely injured, so you can stay here tonight. But tomorrow morning you will let Gaius examine you.”

With a small nod, Merlin agreed. Arthur looked around the room for a moment. “Right, okay so, put these on.” He went over to the wardrobe, picked out his softest sleep clothes and held them out to Merlin. After short consideration, Merlin took them, again carefully avoiding Arthur’s touch. 

Giving Merlin a moment of privacy, Arthur stepped out of the room and instructed a guard to inform Gaius about the whereabouts of his ward. When he came back, he saw Merlin standing in the exact same spot as before, clothes still in his hand. 

“Don’t want to change”, Merlin whispered, voice breaking slightly. Arthur really wished he knew what to do. Emotions had never been his strong suit. Looking at Merlin’s pitiful figure, he decided that clothes really weren’t that important.

“That’s fine, you don’t need to. Just get into bed.” Seeing Merlin’s questioning gaze, he added: “Yes, my bed. You need a good night’s sleep more than I do. I have a bedroll in the closet, that will do the job for me.”

The brief flicker of gratitude in Merlin’s eyes told him that he’d done the right thing. Arthur opened his mouth to ask for his cloak, but when he saw how tight Merlin’s grip on the fabric was, he decided to not say anything. He just watched his manservant shuffle over to the bed and crawl into it, cloak still wrapped tightly around himself.

The view of Merlin’s thin, shivering figure made Arthur’s heart constrict painfully. Stepping closer to the bed, he quietly addressed Merlin. “I need to go take care of … something.” He didn’t even want to use Sir Baldian’s name ever again. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll lock the doors, you are safe in here.” 

He turned around and walked away when a tiny voice stopped him. “Stay?” Merlin looked at him with huge eyes. “Please, I can’t be alone right now.” The slight crack in Merlin’s voice and the single tear running down his cheek until it fell on the pillow broke Arthur’s heart. How could someone break another human this way? He decided that Sir Baldian could wait. Some time in the dungeons wouldn’t hurt him.

“If you want me to, I’ll stay with you”, he simply stated and walked back to the bed. Looking for any sign of discomfort from Merlin Arthur slowly sat down on the opposite edge. Merlin just watched him curiously but didn’t stop him. Arthur scooted back until he could lean against the headboard of the bed. Waiting for Merlin’s reaction he paused, only continuing to move after Merlin gave a tiny nod.

Arthur swung his legs onto the bed and put a pillow behind his back to get comfortable. He left as much space as possible between him and Merlin, trying not to overwhelm him. Moving as little as possible, he gave his manservant time to adjust, much like he’d do with a frightened or skittish animal. “Try to sleep now, you need it”, he said softly. Merlin had curled up into a little ball, facing Arthur but keeping his eyes resolutely shut.

Apart from the crackling fire in the fireplace, it was quiet in the room. Arthur could feel how tense Merlin was but decided not to say anything. He just sat there, providing silent comfort and allowing himself to relax. Lost in thought he nearly flinched when he felt a slight touch on his hand that was lying between him and Merlin on the mattress. Not daring to move he waited. Merlin’s hand inched forward and wriggled under Arthur’s ever so slowly until it came to a halt again. Arthur didn’t know how long he stayed frozen, until finally, Merlin’s breath evened out and he was falling asleep, not breaking the connection.

Arthur didn’t know at what point during the night he had drifted off to sleep but when he woke up it was still dark outside. Trying to figure out what had woken him up, he looked around the dark room. The fire had died down, leaving a cosy warmth behind. It took Arthur a few moments to realise what was different. Merlin had let go of his hand, and now that Arthur paid attention to it, he immediately sensed that something was wrong.

He could hear stifled sobs coming from his right. When Arthur’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness he saw Merlin, face hidden in the cloak, trying to desperately muffle his crying. “Merlin, -“ he began but he didn’t get any further. Merlin flinched violently and then visibly deflated when he recognized the voice. Giving up on trying to be quiet he broke down and sobbed, curled up as tight as possible. 

Merlin didn’t know what to do. All the shock and pain came crashing down on him. He felt so lonely, but couldn’t touch Arthur, couldn’t taint him. The words kept racing through his mind. Dirty. Filthy. Unworthy. Bastard. He could feel Sir Baldian’s touch on him. He couldn’t stop the tears. Weak. And then a voice broke through the fog in his brain. 

“Shhhh, it’s fine, calm down, just take a deep breath.” Arthur was talking softly, trying to calm Merlin down. “You are safe. It’s just you and me. Nobody can hurt you here. I’ll keep you safe.” The words felt awkward, but Arthur didn’t care. His friend needed him and there was no way he’d let his ego get in the way of helping Merlin.

Keeping up a constant stream of reassurances, Arthur contemplated what to do. Merlin showed no signs of even hearing him and continued to choke out painful sobs. “This is eating you up, Merlin”, Arthur sighed in the end. If Merlin worked himself up even more, he would need to send for Gaius. Arthur hated feeling this helpless. Physical injuries, he could deal with, but psychology wasn’t his strong suit.

Starting to get up by swinging one leg off the bed, he addressed his manservant again: “I won’t be gone for long, I’ll send for Gaius. Maybe he can help you.” As he had expected, Merlin didn’t react. With a deep breath, Arthur started to get up …

… and found himself pushed back down by a shaking body. Merlin had flung himself at Arthur, desperately clutching at his shirt. Arthur was the only thing that anchored him to reality and kept him from drowning in his misery. “Don’t go, don’t leave, don’t, don’t, no, please.” Merlin frantically pressed out the words, hiding his face in Arthur’s neck. 

Arthur got over his surprise quickly and wrapped his arms tightly around Merlin. “Shhh, I’ve got you, you are safe, I’ve got you.” The shaking intensified and then Merlin collapsed. All the tension left his body, only held up by Arthur’s secure grip. Arthur pulled the blanket closer and wrapped it around Merlin’s back. Then he started running his hand through Merlin’s hair in a soothing motion, waiting for the sobbing to cease. By the time Merlin had passed out from the exhaustion, Arthur’s shirt was soaked with tears and snot, but he didn’t mind.

When Gaius came to check on them the next morning, Arthur had just fallen into a light sleep. At the creak of the door he looked up, and quickly relaxed upon recognizing the physician. Pressing a finger to his lips he pointed to the still sleeping Merlin in his lap. Gaius smiled and left the room again. He could come back later. Merlin would have to face reality soon enough, if he could give him a few more hours of blissful oblivion, he would gladly do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and that's it. Whew. Big thank you to everyone who stuck around until now (even when "a few days" turned into "a few weeks" lol). And thanks for leaving me so many lovely comments, you guys are amazing!
> 
> Tell me if you liked it, I have a few more ideas in the back of my head :)


End file.
